My world as it is
What can I say? I’ll just warn the reader of this blog that nothing I’m going to say will be normal and will probably make said reader feel kind of awkward. I have this knot at the pit of my stomach and tears that I’m finding won’t come anymore. Life has not been bad lately. In fact, if I put my life into perspective, things are pretty okay. Maybe good, even. I’m going to go to school and move out on my own with my really wonderful and amazing boyfriend. That all seems very nice, indeed. As that fucking saying goes, however, you cannot have your cake and eat it, too. So, although things seem to kind of be moving forward and my future seems bright, there are underlying conflicts that are just fucking my shit UP.
Enter awkwardness.
If there is anything that my parents have taught me in life, its to suppress. Non confrontation is key. My life has been comfort zones and boxes… Anyways. The thing that I so desperately just want to pour out, here. This uncomfortable situation that has been thrust upon me. My father took me out the other day up north. We were standing at a subway station when he told me, “I need to talk to you about your old dad.” I knew what he was talking about instantly. My dad is not happy in his skin, and is going to see a therapist to help him make a certain life choice. While it may be healthy for him, it is definitely not healthy for his wife and 10 year old daughter. So, divorce is inevitable and life is strange. Life is strange. My mom is going to be dead by the time I’m 30, according to her doctor and my dad wants to be my mom. I’m just a little confused as to how I’m supposed to feel about certain things. I want my dad to be comfortable with himself and all I know is that I will accept him no matter what. I just know that this is going to be like pulling of a band aid in slow motion.
I feel like I’m walking on ice and falling is the only certain thing in my life. I am grateful for the things I do have, though. I suppose things could be a lot worse, and I will just keep living. It should be interesting to see where this leads me.
